


'11 Matalin and Carville

by sarken



Category: Real News RPF, The Colbert Report FPF - Fandom
Genre: Gen, Humor, Interviews, Misunderstandings, Pinch-hits, Third Monday
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-21
Updated: 2011-02-21
Packaged: 2017-10-16 01:23:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/166933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarken/pseuds/sarken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stephen thinks Rachel is in love with him, and thus offers to appear on her show.</p>
            </blockquote>





	'11 Matalin and Carville

**Author's Note:**

  * For [count_nickula](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=count_nickula).



> A Third Monday 2011 pinch-hit. Many thanks to Aliya for shoving me in the right direction when I needed it.

Two weeks after the Jon Stewart interview, Rachel's phone -- the one on her desk -- rings again. This time, she doesn't have to unearth it from a pile of scripts and research, although she does take a moment to consider painting it red and adding some blinking lights.

She picks up the receiver, and this time she blames the ringing, rather than the phone, for how nonplussed she sounds when she says, "Hello?"

"Ms. Maddow!" The voice belongs to a man. A rather loud, confident man -- but a loud, confident man who isn't Keith.

"Yes?" She bites the inside of her lip while she tries to place the voice.

"Ms. Maddow, this is Stephen Colbert."

Rachel is silent. She has no idea what she is supposed to do with that information. Should she greet him again, this time by name? Should she act like she was expecting his call?

"I know you're probably shocked that _I_ would call _you_ , but I am nothing if not sympathetic to the plight of a soft-spoken lady."

Rachel trips over a mouthful of syllables before finally managing, "What?"

Stephen chuckles at her. "It's okay. I forgive you. I understand that having Jon Stewart on your show was nothing more than a ploy to attract my attention by showing interest in my rival, and I'm cool with that, as the kids say."

"Stephen, I--"

"No, no, don't apologize," he interrupts. "I've been told some people find his short stature, middle-aged physique, and sparkling eyes that dance like ballerinas avoiding the bites of a thousand rabid subway rats when he smiles very attractive. However, I'm aware there is no substitute for the real thing, and so I am offering to appear on your show."

Rachel's head is spinning, and she isn't sure if it's from the metaphor or the logic. She rubs her forehead. "Okay, Stephen, I--"

"Good! I'll be there tonight."

-

In the end, the difficult decision isn't about nixing Kent's segment. No, it's about not scrapping _all_ of them to give Colbert the hour. Rachel wishes she could, but the prep time just isn't there. As it is, she has the questions from the Jon Stewart interview scribbled on the bottom of her notes in case she needs to stretch the interview, but when she turns toward Stephen, she can feel the energy radiating from him and knows she won't need the recycled questions.

She smiles at him. "Mr. Colbert--"

"Stephen," he corrects, and the smile he offers in return is full of Southern charm.

"All right, then, Stephen," she agrees. "It's good to have you here, Stephen."

He smiles more broadly, but the charm gives way to egotism. "I know," he says, but even with pleasantries out of the way, he doesn't let her move on. "You've been chasing me for years now, haven't you? Don't think I don't remember the little shout-out when you hosted Countdown in 2008."

Rachel glances down at her notes. Nervously, she scratches a line through one of the Jon Stewart questions. "So you're an MSNBC viewer?"

Stephen makes a face at the question, wrinkling up his nose. "I'm a Morning Joe viewer and a Rachel Maddow viewer. I know it makes the ladies happy to know I'm watching." He tugs on his suit coat.

Rachel can feel her face going slightly warm, but she tilts her head and smiles through the self-consciousness. "It does, actually. Thank you." She knows the interview has already gotten away from her, but she takes a stab at one of her prepared questions. "So, before the rally, back when you were still hoping to lead a separate March to Keep Fear Alive, did--"

Delighted, Stephen chuckles. "Oh, Rachel, don't be coy, now. Your aroused skin just gave you away."

"My _what_?" She is well aware her skin is turning an even brighter shade of pink.

"Your aroused skin," Stephen repeats with grave seriousness. He looks pointedly at her decolletage before meeting her eyes. "The shout-outs, the Stewart interview, your appearance on the Report... It all makes perfect sense now."

Rachel knows this can go nowhere good, but she wouldn't be much of a journalist if she didn't follow up. "What does?" she asks, fighting to keep the resignation from her voice.

"How you feel about me." Stephen leans in, resting his forearms on the desk, and he covers Rachel's hand with his own. "And I feel the same way, my lovely liberal leading lady, but our love is one that can never be. A liberal and a conservative? It would never work."

"I think James Carville and Mary Matalin might disagree." The words leave her mouth before she can reconsider them.

Stephen closes his eyes and shakes his head sadly. "Our love is doomed as long as theirs survives." He presses his lips together in thought before breaking into a smile. "But if you say the word, I can--"

"No." Rachel knows she sounds desperate, but she doesn't want to hear about Stephen's plan to destroy the Carville-Matalin marriage. She glances at the clock and, mercifully, it informs her they are nearly out of time. Resisting the urge to sigh in relief, she softens her voice. "Besides, Stephen, we both have relationships of our own. You're right. Our love can never be. Thank you for coming and letting me down in person."

Stephen nods his acceptance of her gratitude and carefully lifts Rachel's hand from the desk before placing a gentle kiss just above her knuckles. "'Til we meet again, Ms. Maddow."

Rachel doesn't know how she keeps herself together as she wraps up the show, but she manages to get through her sign-off with a degree of professionalism. When she finally turns away from the TelePrompTer to look for Stephen, he is nowhere to be seen, but a single rose resting on his chair assures her that he had indeed been there.


End file.
